Super Trouper

By Nicolas Van Der Haar

 

Honestly, at that particular time, it had seemed like the cleanest answer. More than that, it had appeared to me to be the right solution and at that time you could have even said it was ethical. To offset negative sentiments the public had about police officers patrolling public transport, we, as a committee had suggested speakers. Used to project the desired atmosphere of positive vibes.

A few could be easily slipped into existing body armour. Now I want to make it clear, our committee did not try to find a simple cure for complex societal ills. We found a solution that wouldn’t cost the police too much finance. A step in a positive direction. The idea floated up the greasy pole and the idea was met with rapturous delight.

Online was where we viewed the best results. We were clearly a smash. Little videos of people smiling at funky tunes on their morning commute. Inoffensive but engaging memes. A cheeky comment about musical cops on late-night television. I think we all came away thinking ‘job well done’.

Of course, then came Super Trouper. A middle-aged officer in tinted sunglasses walloping a dementia-riddled pensioner through an open train door. They didn’t really talk about that in the inquest. The dementia. These older folks with the dementia, they can turn. I’m not suggesting she did, of course not, but it makes them just a little bit more dangerous than your average pensioner. Gives them an edge, especially around train platforms.

Well, to the pulsing sounds of an ABBA classic everyone on that platform watched and filmed beloved great-grandmother Noreen Kozlova become rendered into a thin paste by the oncoming 3466 to Belgrave. As bad as that was, not that I am not saying it was notbad of course, but it was just the beginning of our snowball of shit. The moles of the media burrowed into the details and discovered we chose music for specific suburbs and stations. All anyone in the office did was post an online poll, that is all. We did not spy and did not pry. We asked and/or requested what people wanted, based on their location.

Democracy! Nothing more! The media at the time, they all talked about fault but there was no fault to be had because there had been no wrongdoing. Imagine how difficult it was choosing music for an entire city based on eleven responses to an email poll. We were accused of elitism for playing Mozart and Mussorgsky.
We were accused of pandering for playing ACDC. We were accused of colonialism for playing Waltzing Matilda. We were accused of cultural cringe for not playing the national anthem. Then of course, we had officers dislocating their spines trying to get to the speakers on their backs, trying to turn off If I Could Turn Back Time during the ANZAC moment of silence.

Obviously, it is a shame about Mrs Kozlova as well. But people seem to forget, when you do work like this the expectation is for obviously, brilliant solutions to complex and difficult problems. It’s as if the world is naturally filled with genius just waiting to be unleashed. Well, I am sorry champ but not everyone spends there days sitting at home, eating buttered toast, and quietly solving each of the world’s problems.

Some of us, and by that, I mean all of us, want to be paid good money, fall in love, raise a couple of kids, and keep our heads above water. Nothing more complicated than that if we do it for a small business, a big business, or a government. I mean just because I put my hand up to sit on a committee whose goal was solving negative sentiments around the police, why should I be expected to come up with some kind of completely perfect solution.

Now personally, and just for the record, did I think that speakers on police uniforms would cure all of society’s issues? No. Of course not. One can hope, of course, but I always felt that it would have generated a change in negative conversation. Perhaps even establish a vibe. I will and can make this crystal clear and for the record.

I do not think we can be blamed for everything that happened. If anything, we are as many victims here as Mrs. Kozlova, if not more so because good intentions were ruined by her tragic and accidental died. Just for the record, I could have PTSD. I still get shivers whenever I hear Super Trouper.

 

Nicolas Van Der Haar from Australia is an autistic, queer writer who recently completed his master’s at the University of Melbourne. Previous work can be read at Antithesis Magazine and Farrago Magazine. He enjoys brisk walks, birds and watching other people.