From the bed of a go-to struggler
By Nivedita Sharma

 

I tried not to inhale the ashes from dry leaves burning outside
and I, a fighter, turned my back and buried my face
at sixteen, I would cause a ruckus and shout at my neighbours
flaunting my badge of “member, environment club” in school
at twenty-four, I silently inhale the burnt leaves, ashamed, disabled.
Courtesy of my age, my revolutionary alter ego is barely breathing
I am just a survivor struggling to get up from bed
My voice slips in mucus and I rely on steam,
What can I say

 

inhaling steam is better than inhaling smoke.
I am a survivor I say, fighting bloat, and junk
compelled to eat the food I threw at sixteen,
after fighting with my mother,
who has now engrossed herself in scheming for wedding
none other than mine and here I am chugging
the pills, enough to make me gag, so smelly and bitter,
in my acidic belly, and my lips red through tongue bites,
afternoons are hazy and evenings rot my brain
and I wait for the non-existent mornings with closed eyes

 

I am a survivor rebelling against my prison of bed
But trapped in the bed and its imaginary perimeter
gathering quilt around my face
As the darkness engulfs me further down in the mattress
What can I say,
bed rot might be my destiny

 

 

Livid at myself

 

For the one
Hearts broken and dreams conjured
Crumbled under my world
where my world was built of optimism
with cracks, but shattered.

Oh, my lover,
Pick me in every room you will be in,
I will be in the same rooms as you
With my demons, but be sure to embrace me whole
We will be ready to look out from the window
the changing colours with the season’s cycle
then you plant a kiss on my forehead when
the thunder clasps its wings,
and when my blood boils
due to the scorched sun
you shake my shoulders
and take in the flame,
so that I do not pick up that knife
kept aligned to the kitchen shelf,
sharp, fierce and beautiful
to save myself from who
awaits the toll.

 

Nivedita Sharma is a Lawyer-writer based in a Mumbai, India. They are a fiction enthusiast who crafts stories from life's quiet moments. They completed their LLB from National Law University, Jodhpur. In life, they find solace in writing, immerse themselves in music, get lost in books, and embrace well-earned moments of rest after a long day. Their writing has been featured in platforms such as International arbitration law review, Showcause Magazine, The Jurist, among others.